This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
