Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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