Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
