Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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