I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
