Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
