I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
