do herpes really smell.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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