you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
