it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
