During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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