feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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