i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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