People with herpes should wear stickers.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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