if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
