Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
