She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
