Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
