Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
