Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
