When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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