Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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