I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i think i just lost a toe
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
