My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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