I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
