ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We have so much sex to catch up on
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
COCAINE IS GR8
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