I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
