Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh god it's open bar.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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