the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
