I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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