Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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