yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
