Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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