Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
