Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
