I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
