you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
