And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You left your phone here
Wait...
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