first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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