I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
