actually, I'm a sock model
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
