im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
