Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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