I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
