..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
