I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You are the jesus of drinking
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
