Screwed.edu
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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