Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
