I just cut my nipple shaving
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
