Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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