What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
