This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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