Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i've created a new STD.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize