You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
