I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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