Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
