Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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