drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
