so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
