i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
