Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
