how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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