Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
