Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
