almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
